why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
