Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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