I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sober January is a disaster.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize