this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
