3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
