we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
