note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
