do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
