i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
