Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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