like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
there is puke in my bra ... again
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