I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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