just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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