remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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