And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
