I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
