When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
