Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
