Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
