4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
