Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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