i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
