im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize