I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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