He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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