I used to practice getting hit by cars.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
