what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
