He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
