fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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