a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
