dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
