He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
