You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize