it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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