It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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