need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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