If i come over, it means nothing
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
