so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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