He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you had me at cake vodka
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize