I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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