I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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