Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
