I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i will never coherently bang her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
