Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize