Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
