I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
