You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
