I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
