he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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