32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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