2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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