Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
