I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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