Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
