Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize