I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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