"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
