wakey wakey hands off snakey
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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