I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
