Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
