you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
