In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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