What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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