I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize