So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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