Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
