I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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