Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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