"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
