Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
