So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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