I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
