New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
