Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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