I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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