Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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