Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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