I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want nice things and good sex
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
