There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
